WHY YOU NEED TO SEPARATE YOUR FRIENDS FROM YOUR RELATIONSHIP

She came to me crying with her eyes swollen. She felt it was too much to be happening to her. How did it happen? How could they have done that to her? She loved her like her sibling, she took care of her when life was hard and unbearable for her. Even when everyone around her left she stood and nurtured her like her own baby, yet she would never understand how the friend she loves the most among her friends would sneak behind her to sleep with her fiance and snatched her man right from under nose. Smh....

 This is story of a young woman I met at the conference not long ago.

 I looked at her as she narrated how it happened. It all started in their university days. Lola was dating a guy who was a working class while she was still a student he had promised to marry her and he was so nice to her.  Her fiance would visit her at the school and bring gifts for her. 

She was always coming to meet her fiance at the gate of their school WITH HER FRIEND BIOLA WHOM SHE LIKED SO SO MUCH. She would tell her fiance how good and nice her friend Biola is and tell her friend how wonderful and generous her fiance is to her. She was so innocent and couldn't see anything wrong in how her friend was always asking her questions about her fiance while she'd gladly tell him all there was to tell.

 The friend then became more friendly to the extent she would follow her to her fiance's house and place of work anytime she wanted to visit him. One day she was feeling sick and couldn't keep with the appointment of meeting with her fiance at his place of work to collect some amount of money he had promised to give her, she then pleaded with her friend to meet with her fiance in order to collect the money for her. Her friend didn't say no but got the money for her from her fiance. Unknown to her the when her friend was going to collect the money she wasn't just there to collect the money, She also dressed to the guy's place of work seductively with the purpose of being asked out by her friend's fiance. 

Her prayer was actually answered because the guy is also someone who lacks self control. He took the lady in his car to the ATM in order to withdraw the money but couldn't concentrate on his driving; instead he kept starring at the trap of a 'naked lap' been set for him by his fiancee's friend. He fell like a pack of cards and asked the lady out for a relationship in the process, that was when Lola's nightmare began.

Her fiance began to misbehave but she wouldn't understand what could have caused that. She tried her best to get an answer but wasn't given any. She cried so much and no one was there to comfort her, she later broke up the relationship as it became irreparable due to irreconcilable differences as some unreasonable quitters like to call it.  

Lola graduated from school and didn't have contact with her female friend until about one year later when she met her formal friend in the arms of her ex-fiance at the airport on her way out of the country. She couldn't believe what she saw, her past flashed right before her eyes and began to wonder how they became lovers, that was when her ex was arrested by his conscience and he began to beg Lola and asked her for forgiveness so he could live his life without guilt in his mind. Then he employed the tactics of 'blame it on the devil' which so many people are so familiar with. He said he was pushed by the devil to cheat on her the day she sent her friend to collect money from him on her behalf and that was how they started the relationship. 

But my Question is?

 What could Lola had done differently? Answers are below...

1. NEVER INVOLVE YOUR FRIENDS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. 

Friends are a no-go area to get involved when it comes to your relationship. Separate your friendship with friends from your relationship with your spouse. I know you want to ask what if I have misunderstanding with my partner and I need friends to help us settle it? My answer is, If you need friends before you can solve problems between you and your partner, you are  not matured and ready enough to be in a relationship. If you think you know your friends wait till when you have misunderstanding with them. Some friends can't wait to abuse you in public with your dirty secret when they have problem with you. Some would use it against you just to make them feel like winners or more superior to you when you have problems with them.It's good to have the right friends who influence your life to become better, but this doesn't mean you have to put them at the middle of your love life. Draw an uncross-able line between your friends and your love life if you do not want to end up like Lola.

2. IT'S GOOD TO HAVE NICE PEOPLE AROUND YOU BUT 'KEEP THEIR NICE DEEDS TO YOURSELF'.

Even when you're tempted to do so, never broadcast the good deeds of your husband,  wife, fiance or fiancee. When you do this you create room for unguarded minds to fascinate about having what you have. When they know they can't attract what you command they'd have no option but go after what you have in life.

Having good friends are amazing, but no matter how good your friends are please don't get them involved in your love life. No human being is infallible (including your good friends) when temptation comes knocking at the door. Protect yourself against casualty of friendship by jealously keep your love life to yourself. When your journey with your spouse is good enjoy it, and when it's rough work on it but don't get any friend involved in your love life.

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