8 tips to help you choose a good relationship

8 tips to help you choose a good relationship 

Wouldn't you love to be in a good relationship? A union where you and your partner are at peace with each other and everything seems like how they should be all the time?  Have you seen lovers being all over each other and they behave like they live in heaven on earth and each moment you spend with them makes you desire the good love they both share with each other?  Either good or bad, every relationship is a product of choice. 

Being in a good relationship has a lot to do with our decision making process. As much as we do not have the power to control the behaviour of whomever we are in love with, it is highly recommended that we choose the right person and be wise while making the choice so as to avoid falling in love with the wrong person. 

Choosing the right partner can make our dreams come to pass, but how do we go about making those choices so that we may be able to enjoy our love life? I would share with you some tips to adopt while making a choice for a good relationship. 

1. Choose a partner whose desire is in line with yours. 

One of those elements of a good relationship is to have a partner who is on the right path as you are, someone would is travelling on the same path that you are in order to avoid conflict of interest. It is never sweet nor does it yield happiness when two people who are in a civil union have different interests as regards their love life and what to expect from each other. I have experienced this situation many times where a man is in a relationship with a lady just to have fun while the lady is in the relationship with this individual hoping to get married to him. 

This man was someone who was into the lady for the fun he would have in a little while and the lady thought she had found the man of her dream because all her hope was in him and the marriage she hoped to get from such a man. The conflict of interest between them brought the lady untold sadness, she lost so much of her life because she fell in love with the wrong person and put her hope in someone who wasn't heading down her path. This scenario could have been avoided had she done the proper investigation as to where they were both heading and what they both desired from their relationship. If she had known the man was not in the relationship with her for what she thought, should could have called it off and save herself the pain of the wrong choice she made. 

This kind of thing is not a gender-based issue as it could also happen to a man. A man could also be in a relationship with a lady for the right reasons while the woman is just there to play her game for whatever reason she's trying to achieve.

Either you are a lady or a guy, before you fully and totally commit to a relationship, do your investigation, make sure you know the purpose for which the other person wants to be in a relationship with you. Not what he or she tells you but what you are seeing from him/her through their behaviour and words at that early stage where you both show interest in one another. If you realize the person you have an interest in also wants the same thing you want from your union, I'd say there's a good chance you're going to have a good life with the person, but if you have different desire and expectations of the union, it's better to save yourself the stress that could arise from such union. 

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2. Watch out for his or her character instead of his or her beauty.

Good character is a virtue that lasts and creates good memories that people cherish. If you want to have a relationship where there is happiness, choose your partner based on good character instead of beauty. It's not bad to consider and admire people's beauty while contemplating dating the person, but the lasting foundation upon which a good relationship can be built is a good character. Beauty is fleeting and someone who looks handsome or beautiful today could do the worst of things tomorrow, beauty is not a guarantee for a happy relationship. If you want to date, focus more on the characters of the person you want in order to make the right decision. 

To clear the air of this note: please be aware that someone who looks good could have a good character and someone who is not good looking could also have a bad character. Having a good character is not a function of look. Do not have the mindset that people who look good have a bad character or those who don't look good have good character. Open your mind of understanding and let the character be the trigger you use over beauty when the time comes to make a choice of dating. 

3. Watch If he or she is the type that criticizes people a lot and does not see good in others.

This point is critical to everyone who desires happiness in their love life. It is often a factor that people neglect and they end up regretting it. You cannot expect someone who always sees the bad in others to see the good in you just because you are both in love. 

No matter how much love people who criticize others show to their partners in the early stage of their relationship, their true colour often comes out later and their partners feel their own share of this toxic behaviour from them. You should not date someone who loves to criticize. Human beings are naturally imperfect and we need someone who understands that we all need love and patience of theirs to help us grown. Chronic critics are the least set of people who understand the need for love, empathy and patience by others to grow. Don't pitch your tent with someone who always watches out for others mistakes as someone like this could cause you a great deal of low self-esteem instead of helping you to grow in love and be happy despite your imperfections. 

4. Ask if he/she loves kids. 

The 21st century has brought about a lot of ideas and choices,  situations that once looked awkward are now becoming acceptable norms. Having kids used to be a popular desire back in the days but as things evolved and freedom to choose what one wants got expanded by the new generation theorists, along with this comes a certain expression by some that they do not want to have children of their own. Yes,  you read me right!  There are so many people today who want nothing to do with procreation and just wants to enjoy having a fling with others. They are not interested in having children and nothing can change their mind even if one could try to.  We can't blame them nor fault them, life has given everyone the freedom to choose what they want and they are only exercising that freedom of choice. If you are someone who wants to have babies, I mean beautiful babies who look so much like you to the point you are so proud of being called a mum or a dad, then you should know that having a relationship with someone who does not want a kid is a fruitless effort. Before you choose a life partner, ask if they want a kid or not so you can make the right decision about settling down with such a person. 

5. What attitude does this person have regarding money?

Take it or leave it, money affects everything in life, including relationship. Money can cause happiness or sadness in a relationship. And when choosing someone to build a life with you must consider this person's attitude to money. It is true that money cannot buy love, but this doesn't mean love alone can buy you gift or basic needs when you are in a relationship or married to someone. If you are a lady who is dating someone who believes his money is his own alone and not your's, you've tried so much to make this person see that you are not obsessed with his money but only look out for him providing little things to show he's capable of handling household financial needs at home when you're both married but this individual won't yield, that is a sign that you are in a ride with someone who does not care about your well-being. 

In as much as money as a man must spend on his woman, the woman also must not have it at the back of her mind that the man must spend everything he has on her in order to prove his love for her. A woman who wants the resources of her man should also help him not to waste that resources. No man wants to marry a gold digger or someone who spends money anyhow without thinking of saving for the future. If you are a guy in a relationship with a lady whose main concern of being with you is the money you spend on her or the money she expects you to spend on her, this is a time you've got to sit down and have a heart talk with yourself regarding your union with that woman. If you want to be happy in your union with a lady make sure she is not the type that wants to drain your finance, falling in love with a gold digger brings no happiness to the table but sadness and poverty. 

6. Is he/she the lazy or hardworking type. 

No food for the lazy man they say, not only lazy man, but there's no food for a lazy woman either. It is important to do something for the right reasons than doing it for the wrong reasons. If you would love someone, love them with virtuous and tangible reasons and not frivolous reasons. Do not be in a relationship with a lazy person. I repeat, dating a lazy person will hurt you more than you can think of in a million years. 

A man or a woman who does not have the desire to work or engage in a business that brings in money will end up becoming a leech to your finance and suck you dry financially. There is a difference between someone who has the desire to work and one who has no desire to, if the one you have an interest in has the desire to make their own money but nothing is working out for them yet, stick to such person and help them get through the hard time as this person is only going through a hard phase and not that the person lacks or is short of ambition. Never choose a woman or a man who lacks ambition. The journey of marriage is not all rosy and there'll be a need for push on the part of a partner as they both get on together in life, if the one who then needs a push is someone whose partner lacks the ambition to achieve any goal, how will he or she give the necessary push to the other one who is in need of help to overcome a particular challenge? This factor must not be overlooked when choosing a partner as it also contributes to what makes a good relationship. 

7. Does this person love and believe in the higher power (God)?

I am not trying to sound religious, but I believe in God and I know there is a higher power from whom all things came into existence. Without referencing any holy book, it is clear to understand that we didn't come to existence by chance or accident. We were created by God Almighty and His importance in a relationship cannot be overlooked. 

The study has shown that men and women who believe in God, submit themselves to Him and obey his words mostly turn out to be the best wives and husbands. This was associated with the fact that when they do wrong they often analyse their own behaviour and quickly make a change for better when they notice an error in the character. I believe that a man or woman who does not love God cannot truly love another human being like they should. 

I use myself as an example: there were times when I refused to do some things that could hurt my partner not just because I love her and didn't want her to get hurt by me, but I chose not to do those things because that's not the type of life I want to live and this principle of mine was borne out of the fact that I acknowledge God as my maker and I know the type of life He expects me to live. 

When someone has a higher authority they submit to, they have the tendency to always live right as they know they are accountable to someone who is greater than them. 

If you want to make a choice of relationship, choose a man or a woman who loves God more than he or she would love you.

8. Consider the racial or tribal preference of the person you want to date. 

Before you choose someone as your partner, make sure you ask a relevant question and do your homework to find out if the person you intend to fall in love with has a preference for a race or tribe other than which you belong. If you fall in love with a man or a woman who has a preference for another race or tribe, just be aware that being with you for that person might be a result of not been able to meet someone from that race or tribe he/she likes the most. 

I have watched people fell in love with someone who has always made it known to them that he/she prefers to marry someone from a particular tribe or race and every time they had misunderstanding the next thing you would hear is this why I wanted to marry from a particular tribe or race other than the one you belong and the consequences of such a decision will always lead to unpleasant experience for the one who is tribal or racial neutral in the relationship. There is nothing wrong in someone having a preference for a particular tribe or race as everyone has the right to choose what they desire in life, at the same time, you owe yourself that much not to fall a victim of this preferential treatment. 

The best relationship is that which has no gender or racial preference, where there is no tribal or racial discrimination and the basis for falling in love is love itself. When you fall in love with someone who loves you no matter what, you can be sure that a lifetime of happiness awaits you both. 

If you apply these aforementioned tips to make a relationship choice, you are surely guaranteed to make the right choice of a life partner and be in a good relationship with that partner. Don't choose blindly, love whomever you desire but help yourself to be sure you are loving the right person. This is what you owe yourself so much in life.

What other tips do you think people should consider having a good relationship? Share your knowledge with the world and help us learn and grow. 

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I wish you a love life full of happiness.